A Lifetime of Regrets
by NashNurse
Summary: Margaret is writting in her journal about events that took place throught the war and after. Not all of these events fit in with the sieries. This story goes along side with FOREIGN FEELINGS.
1. Chapter 1

Margaret walked into her room, quickly shutting the door behind her. The party was getting very loud and after all these years of entertaining the noise still got irritating. She smiled and sighed. Still, she enjoyed herself tonight. Sitting down at her desk she pulled her journal from the bottom drawer. She felt like writing, like sorting things out.

* * *

_How I ever fell for Donald I still can't comprehend. God, how could I have been so shallow? I never loved him. I was certainly infatuated with him, but I never loved him. I met him at a party and I was pathetically drunk. He proposed, I accepted and then three months later I wound up as his wife. How could I have been so stupid? It's humiliating when I think of all the stupid decisions I've made. I can barley remember the night I met him._

_I was sitting at a table flirting shamelessly with some Colonel. I glanced up and noticed Donald. Thinking back I can see why I was so infatuated with him. He was tall, dark and handsome with a promising military career. He saw me looking at him and he winked, I acknowledged him with a smile. Ten minutes later a glass of pink champagne was sent to me, compliments of the handsome stranger. I accepted the glass and approached him, leaving Colonel What's-His-Name at the table staring after me. I can't remember much of what happened after that. I didn't even find out his name until the following morning._

_I woke up in a strange room. My head was pounding and the light from the window was searing into my eyes. I tried to sit up and shake the cobwebs from my head._

_"You awake darlin'?" I heard a man's voice coming from the bathroom. Uh oh. What had I done? I'll admit that I wasn't exactly concerned about my reputation, but rather the fact that I was in a room with a man and I had no idea how I got there. As he walked into the room I knew why I was there. He had his shirt off and I couldn't take my eyes of his chest. I didn't care about who he was or how I got there. I just wanted him. I pulled myself onto my knees and smiled. He sat down and began to kiss my neck pushing me backwards onto the bed. Suddenly he pulled back and looked into my eyes. _

_"I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've been properly introduced." He smiled and I melted into the pillow behind me. "And your name is..." He prompted. I blushed slightly realizing that we had slept with together not even knowing each other's names. I pushed the thought out of my mind and smiled. _

_"Margaret...Margaret Houlihan."_

_"Well now that we know each other..." He trailed off and began kissing my neck again. I scooted to the side and smiled coyly. _

_"No so fast sir. We are not yet adequately introduced." He laughed and replied that his name was Lt. Co. Donald Penobscott. I let him continue kissing me as my mind reeled. A Lt. Co.! I couldn't believe my luck!_

_I'll spare you the details. We were engaged that afternoon. We went to another party that night and I again became ridiculously drunk and made a fool of myself by calling Colonel Potter at the 4077th. When I announced that I was engaged it felt wonderful. I loved the idea of being engaged more that I loved my fiancée'. Most of all it was exhilarating being able to tell off Frank. I had stuck with the little weasel for a long time and I was sick of him. The man had absolutely no backbone! I originally started our little romance because I felt that he needed me. And more than anything I wanted to feel needed. Plus he was an ally for my war against practically everyone else in the camp. _

_I hate thinking of how shallow I was then. I was spiteful and cruel, and I constantly made a fool of myself, first with Frank and then with Donald. I can't see how I could have been so blind to Donald's faults. At least I can truthfully say I have improved considerably. _

* * *

"Margaret?" Peg stuck her head in the door. "Margaret, are you okay?" Margaret put her pen down and looked up at her friend.

"Yeah, sure Peg." She smiled sheepishly. "It was just getting a little loud, I'll be back down in a little." Peg laughed.

"Yeah I know how you feel; it was like this on my tenth anniversary. I'll leave you alone now." With a final smile Peg quietly shut the door.


	2. Chapter 2

_I ducked to avoid the fist swinging toward my face. I didn't move fast enough and careened backward as his hand contacted my jawbone. I couldn't believe it was happening again. So many times I had convinced myself to leave him but had never gone through with it. I was convinced that it would all work out. Maybe if I acted different or did something else to try and please him, maybe then he would love me. I tried so many different things. I knew he was having an affair but I tried to ignore it. It worked for a while but one night I couldn't stand it anymore and I blew up at him. Screaming to him about the letter he sent me by mistake. That night he gave me a black eye and six deep cuts across my back…so much for communication. Thankfully Colonel Potter believed me when I explained away my black eye by telling him I fell. Come to think of it, I doubt very much that he believed me but at least he let the matter drop. I toughed it out for two more visits in Seoul, but the last time I was with him I told him I wanted a divorce. That's when he hit me…again. After the first blow I tried desperately to make my way to the door. I was unsuccessful. I hate thinking about it but in short, the more I struggled the more he hit me. He was screaming at me telling me that I was his wife and if I thought I could get out of that I was damn wrong. After a few minutes he forced me onto the bed of our hotel room. Again I'll spare you the details. Anyway he left late that night and I locked the door and slid a table in front of it. I spent the night curled up in a ball in the middle of the floor, too scared to move. The next morning I was able to put enough makeup on to hide the bruises on my face and I wore a long sleeved shirt although it was getting rather warm. Everything went fine for a few days and then I received some uncomfortable news. Colonel Potter called me to my office._

_"Ah Margaret, how are you?" I looked at him suspiciously. I could tell there was something he didn't want to tell me. "Listen Margaret," he paused and nervously cleared his throat. "You're due for a physical…" My head started spinning._

_"Oh God, this can't be happening!" I thought. I still had several bruises and a few cuts, some of which were slightly infected making them look worse than they really were. I tried to pay attention as Colonel Potter continued speaking._

_"You may choose any of the doctors to do this, although as I am going to Tokyo tonight it will not be me." Damn! Of course it had to be one of the perverts or the pompous idiot. "Inform me of you decision before I leave tonight, please Major." Oh God, I was going to be sick. I was going to throw up right there in the middle of his office. Later that evening I informed Potter that Pierce would do the physical. He looked surprised, shocked really. But I didn't feel like explaining my decision to Him. There was no way I would have let Charles see any more of me that necessary. He was professional yes, but he was incredible pompous and I couldn't stand him! I would have asked BJ to do it. For all of his faults he was the best behaved of the three. He could even be sweet at times. Especially when his wife was concerned; this is why he asked not to be the one to do it. I can't really understand his logic there, but oh well. So that left me with Hawkeye Pierce. God, how I loathed the idea of almost completely stripping in front of him. Especially because I knew there was no way he would let my cuts and bruises go unnoticed. He said we could do the exam in the lab. "That's fine with me." I said, trying to avoid eye contact, knowing that he had his huge trademark smile pasted on his face. _

_I walked into the lab the next morning dreading the following scene. He made a few stupid jokes which I can't remember anymore. To get to the point, eventually he asked me to remove my clothing. He was smiling pathetically as he said it. The perverted jerk was thoroughly enjoying my discomfort. I unbuckled my belt and slid my pants off. He frowned as he saw the bruises. _

_"Just wait." I thought. The bruises on my legs were nothing compared to my back and chest. I sighed and pulled off my shirt. Pierce gasped sharply as he looked at my scarred back. The silence was excruciating. I avoided eye contact, praying that he would say something as I sat down on a low metal table. I glanced up at him briefly to read his expression. He was smiling! It was a sad smile and I couldn't understand it. Why would he smile at something like this? I looked at him again and his smile had changed into a more forced grin._

_"Well Hot Lips, let's get this examination over with." I was shocked! He wasn't going to say anything! Relief flooded over me. After the exam he applied something to my cuts and told me to keep them clean. Then he walked out, leaving me sitting on the table with my mouth hanging open._


	3. Chapter 3

I got several complaints about the "smile" in the last chapter. Sorry about that, I suppose I should have explained a bit more. I was planning on using it in this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews!

* * *

_As I walked outside I wasn't sure what to do. I was confused with Hawkeye's reaction, especially the smile. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. What kind of insensitive creep would smile in a situation like that? When he first saw my back he was horrified. I wasn't looking at his face but I could tell by his sharp intake of breath and silence. When I looked up at him I couldn't believe it! The smile was forced to say the least. Bit I could also read so many different emotions in his face; shock, anger…It was easy enough to understand those feelings but then there was something else that I couldn't comprehend. Something like pity? Maybe; or was it guilt? I had no idea to interpret that. _

_Then even more to my amazement, he continued on with the exam! He became his usual perverted self and kept up the obscene jokes the entire time. But even after he left I couldn't get that look on his face out of my mind. That melancholy, almost depressed smile. Damn him! He was so confusing! I had almost wished he would have made a big deal about it, and then at least I would have known how to react. I was out of sorts the whole day. I left my mind behind in the lab. At least we weren't expecting wounded for a 48 hours. Thank God I didn't see Hawk for the rest of the day. I had convinced myself that he really didn't care. It went against everything I knew about him, but it was easier than believing the alternative._

_That night I sat at my desk running a comb through my hair experimenting with different styles that would hide the long scar on the back of my neck. I heard a soft knock on the door. I was surprised; no one ever came to my tent to talk. There must be a problem with a patient._

_"Come in." I sighed and placed my hand mirror down._

_"Hey, Hot Lips."_

_I froze. "Oh God no, please not Pierce!" I knew what he was there for. Yeah, he called me Hot Lips, but he wasn't kidding around when said it, he was talking very seriously. _

_"You know what I'm here for Margaret." He paused. "We need to talk." I started to make up an excuse but he held up his hand to stop me. "Margaret, The black eye you came back with a few weeks ago..." He trailed off as I placed my head in my hands. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to me. He reached over and gently pulled my hands down. "I think you did fall." I looked up surprised, wondering where he was going with this. He couldn't possibly think I fell, could he? "But you didn't say how you fell." I rolled my eyes and looked away toward the door wishing someone would come in and rescue me from this conversation. He leaned over and placed his hand along my jaw line turning my head back toward him. "It was Donald wasn't it?" He had that same look on his face again, although he wasn't smiling. I stared at him as he stroked my check gently. "Damn it! I can't cry! Not in front of Pierce." I slowly nodded. I didn't trust my voice. H wanted to ask more questions I could tell, and they were certain to be questions I didn't want to answer. _

_"Why didn't you say anything this morning? " I quickly asked before he had time to ask any questions of his own. _

_"Because I didn't think I'd make it out of that room alive if I asked any questions. Dead men tell no tales you know." He offered a slight smile and I gave him a shaky one in return. He leaned forward and grabbed my hands. "Margaret, why don't you leave him?" I stiffened and tried to pull my hands away but he wouldn't release them. I raised my chin up and glared at him. His expression didn't change._

_"I love him, I don't want a divorce." The second I said it I wished I hadn't. How could I have said something so stupid? I loathe Donald! Damn Pierce! He always made me do and say things I regretted. Hawkeye raised one eyebrow as if to say, "Is that all you got?" I sighed and stood up. Could I risk telling Pierce? Would he care enough to stay and listen? "What the hell. I need to tell someone, why not my number one nemesis?" _

_That was a very long night. We stayed up talking until four-twenty the next morning. I broke down and cried several times and he would hold me until I stopped. Thinking back, I'm amazed that my ego allowed me the comfort of tears and a friend. I'm not sure when Pierce left my tent. The last thing I remember was him holding me as I cried. I must have cried myself to sleep. I woke up around nine the next morning feeling much better. Tired, but for the first time in weeks feeling as if someone cared. I smiled as I thought of whom that someone was. My arch enemy spent eight hours last night wiping away my tears. There was more to him than I expected. _

_Still there was the problem of Donald. I still wanted a divorce of course, but I was scared. Hawkeye said that he would talk to Donald for me but I felt that I needed to do that for myself. I sighed. What on earth was I going to do? I stood up slowly and walked to my locker. I opened the door to grab my shirt and I smiled as I saw…_

* * *

Margaret jumped as she heard a knock on the door. "Come in." She called. Her four year old son, Danny, bounced in the room.

"Mommy," he whined, "Daddy says I have to go to bed now! I don't wanna go to bed!"

"Danny, hush. Because of the party we agreed you could stay up until nine. It's nine forty-five now and your going to bed!" Margaret lightened her tone and smiled. Come here and give me a kiss goodnight. The child walked toward his mother and climbed onto her lap. He placed a wet, sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Night Mommy, I love you."

"I love you too Danny." The small boy climbed down and walked toward the door. Pausing as he walked out.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Daddy told me to tell you _Happy Annservary." _Margaret laughed at her son's face as he tried to pronounce the difficult word.

"Do you mean _anniversary?"_ She asked him.

"Yeah, that's it!" The boy said exuberantly. "Night Mommy." He said again, smiling sweetly.

"Good night Danny." She watched as her son closed the door behind him listening as he pounded down the stairs. She smiled. She loved her family so much.


	4. Chapter 4

Margaret sat still, looking at the place where her son had just been. She smiled, remembering the time when children weren't even a possibility in the plan she had for her life. _Sometimes it's good to be wrong. _She realized. She now had two beautiful children, and a loving husband. She couldn't be happier with the way her life turned out. She scooted her chair back in and picked up her pen.

* * *

_I smiled as a saw a bunch of wildflowers (well more like pretty weeds) hanging on the inside of the door. There was a little note attached to them. I untied it and chuckled as I read: "Mornin' Princess. I hope you actually got some sleep last night, wounded tomorrow, bright and early. Have a nice day. –Hawk P.S. Everything is going to work out. I promise!" He could be very sweet if you looked past the obscene humor and crude pranks. As I was getting dressed I realized for the first time (consciously anyway) how much I pushed people away. I could be downright cruel at times, rude to say the least. I though about all the people in camp, most of them could have been very good friends if I had actually treated them humanely._

_I got dressed and walked outside toward the mess tent. I saw my nurses all sitting and laughing about some great joke. I always felt left out when I was around them. I suppose it was my own fault but it still hurt. I was feeling fairly confident with myself, so after getting my tray of slop I walked toward the table they were sitting at. I sat my tray down on the end and Kellye scooted over so I could sit down. I could feel everyone staring at me. The silence at the table was excruciating. I stared at my food, feeling incredibly stupid for sitting next to them. I looked up and they were looking at one another uneasily. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hawkeye stand up and start walking toward us. I prayed that he wasn't coming to hit on the nurses. I couldn't handle that right now._

"_Hello ladies." They all mumbled something in response. I'm sure their normal greeting would have been much more enthusiastic had I not been there. "I have some good news." His eyes were twinkling with amusement. "We have agreed to have a dance here in the mess tent tonight at seven." All the nurses' reactions were the same. The smiles on their faces were huge. I felt heat rising up my neck and settling behind my eyes. Tears threatened to spill. A dance sounded like a terrible idea. Not only was I in a horrible mood, but I also knew that if I went I would be sitting by myself in some corner the entire night. I hated any celebrations we had at the 4077. I never felt a part of the fun, no matter if I tried or not. I stood up and began to walk outside. I scrapped the food off my tray and placed it in a growing heap of used trays. Hawkeye followed me out. _

"_Are you coming to our dance Hot Lips?" I felt like crying, I was not in the mood to deal with Pierce. I had cried enough last night. I tried to steady my voice._

"_Leave me alone Pierce." _

_He smiled and leaned over trying to look at my face. "I'm sorry your majesty. I will not take my leave until you have promised to escort me to the dance tonight." I looked up surprised. Was he actually asking me to go with him? "I promise you'll have a good time." I smiled and nodded._

"_Yeah sure, I'll go with you." I chuckled and added, "So long as there is no 'party' after the dance."_

"_Of course not Major." He replied in mocked horror. He bowed and walked away, calling over his shoulder "Be ready at seven, and don't be late!"_

_Kellye walked up behind me, tapping me lightly on the shoulder. "Are you coming tonight Major?" I smiled and nodded, still watching Pierce walk toward the swamp. I turned and saw Kellye's large grin, a very mischievous grin. _

_I laughed, noting the question in her face. "Yes, I'm going with Captain Pierce." Kellye looked toward the other nurses who were coming out of the tent. _

"_Would you like some help with you hair?" She asked. I was stunned! Was she actually offering to help me? I nodded skeptically. "Alright, come on over around six." She smiled and joined the other nurses starting toward their tent. As an after-thought, Kellye turned. "Would you like to join us Major? We were about to play a game of poker." The other nurses glared at her. I honestly don't blame them. In fact I applaud them for their restraint. _

_I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to go with them. Oh I wanted to go so badly, but my head was telling me to stay back, that they hated me and were only inviting me to be polite. Oh well, I didn't care._

"_Yeah sure, I'd like that." The expressions on their faces were of complete astonishment. "Let me run to my tent and grab some money." Kellye laughed. "Actually Major you should grab some nail polish, make up and silk stockings, but don't grab the stockings unless your feeling lucky." I smiled. _

"_I'll be there in five minutes."_

_I had a wonderful day. The nurses quickly warmed up to the idea of me joining them. We played several different card games and talked for hours. Dear sweet Kellye, if it wasn't for her I probably would have spent the day moping in my tent. Nurse Able convinced me to borrow a dress of hers. I don't know how they all managed to have dresses with them but they did. It had been so long since I had worn real clothes. I had been in khaki-green for years. Kellye did my hair…it looked horrible. When Able saw it she couldn't stop laughing. Thank God after she stopped crying she re-did it for me. At seven thirty Hawkeye knocked on the door. He had apparently been looking for me since seven…Opps. I did enjoy seeing the look of utter amazement on his face when he saw me with the rest of the nurses. He had put on his tuxedo! I was extremely thankful for the simple cotton dress I was wearing. After telling the other nurses to hurry up, he led me outside. On the way over he was very quite. He was starring at me the whole time. I suppose I did look different. When I walked into the mess tent I was stunned! They had red, black, and white streamers everywhere. Blown up surgical gloves were hanging in various spots, they even had black table cloths! All the men were wearing their dress uniforms. It really looked like a dance. _

"_How did you manage it?" I asked Hawkeye in amazement. He smiled._

"_That's our little secret." _

_I had a wonderful time that night. I felt slightly self-conscious with all the stares I was getting; especially when I was dancing with Pierce. (This was most of the time.) I tried my best to ignore them though and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I loved being so close to Pierce. I was rapidly discovering what the nurses saw in him. I distinctly remember the last dance. We were attempting to swing dance to My Blue Heaven. We were botching it horribly. Pierce is a rather good dancer…I however am not. I tripped over a bench and Hawkeye fell on top of me. We were laughing and tried pathetically to untangle ourselves. Hawkeye reached over and brushed my bangs out of my eyes. He smiled and was about to say something, however I looked up and noticed a very somber Radar standing next to me. _

"_Uh Sir? I...uh...I mean…uh…Ma'm…er…Major? Um your hus…Uh I mean…Lt. Col. Penobscott is here to see you." _


	5. Chapter 5

"_Uh Sir…I_..._uh_..._I mean…uh…Ma'm…er…Major? Um your hus…Uh I mean…Lt. Col. Penobscott is here to see you." _

_The smile disappeared off my face. My heart dropped into my stomach and I felt like throwing up. Radar scurried off quickly. I started shaking. I couldn't help it, I was terrified. Not really of what he would do, I was safe enough here. But rather I was afraid of what he would say. Thank God Hawkeye was there. He had heard what Radar said and he leaned over to help me stand up._

"_Margaret," He said seriously, "…do you have the divorce papers in you tent?" I nodded. "Well let's go get them." He took hold of my elbow and walked with me to my tent. After retrieving the papers he led me to Col Potter's office. I stopped at the door and he turned and looked at me._

_"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." He smiled reassuringly. _

_"What if he won't sign them?" I had just voiced my deepest fear. My eyes pleaded with Hawkeye to understand, to help me. _

_"Don't worry, he will." I followed him inside, still not sure of how he could be so confident. But I had to trust someone because I was in this way over my head._

_"Margaret! Baby, I've missed you!" Donald rushed to me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me fiercely. "I was in the area and I thought I'd drop by to see you!" I tried my hardest to pull back and he looked down at me with a frown. "What's wrong angel?" I looked away; I had no idea what to say. I looked over at Pierce, silently begging him to help me. He walked over and politely, but firmly, pushed Donald away from me._

_"Hey! What's going on here?" Donald demanded. I could see he was getting angry. "Margaret, what's with this guy?" I looked at the floor. I knew I had to say something but I didn't know what. I cleared my throat nervously._

_"Donald, last week in Seoul_..._" He started looking at Pierce uneasily. "…I told you I wanted a divorce. I still do." A cloud of anger swept over his face. He was digging his nails into his palms, trying to restrain himself. He shot an angry glance at Hawkeye. "Uh oh," I thought, I knew what he must have been thinking. Before I could do anything I saw him take a wild swing at Pierce. I screamed as Hawkeye reeled backwards falling into the filing cabinets. He quickly jumped up and managed to deliver two heavy blows to Donald's abdomen; twisting his arm behind his back and pushing him up against the desk. _

_"I wouldn't try anything." Hawkeye said harshly. "If you move an inch, your arm will break." Turning his head toward me he said, "Margaret, could you bring the papers over here please." I couldn't move. I was standing there with my mouth hanging open. I had never seen Pierce act like this toward anyone…with the exception of maybe Frank. Even with him Hawkeye had never acted this harsh._

_"Margaret," His voice brought me back into the present, "Margaret…the papers." I quickly walked over and placed them on the desk in front of Donald, then hurriedly retreating into the background._

_"Sign if you will sir." Hawkeye hissed. Donald managed to sign the papers with his free hand. Hawkeye released his grip and escorted Donald outside. Alone, I walked over to the desk and picked up the papers. I sat down heavily in the nearest chair. It was all over. I wasn't sure how I felt; relieved, certainly. But I also felt ashamed. My first marriage had lasted only three months. I started to cry. I couldn't help it! Damn it, what was happening to me? Major Houlihan, the head nurse at a MASH unit, sitting alone in an office crying. Was I really that weak? I wrapped my arms around myself and slid onto the floor, curling up into a ball. What had I done with my life? Everything I had ever done I now regretted immensely. Everything I thought I was, everything I wanted to achieve meant nothing to me anymore. What was I going to do? Never in my life had I hated the army so much. My entire life I had strove to please others; to get promoted just once more. I didn't care about any of that, I never did. I had done it all to please my father. Where was he now? I had no idea. I was completely alone. I heard Pierce enter the room. I tried to stop crying and straighten up. He walked towards me and sat down, comfortingly putting his arm around me. I stared at the floor avoiding looking him in the eyes. _

_"I'm sorry Margaret." He said it so sincerely. Maybe I wasn't alone after all. I leaned into his arms and let the tears come. I cried for several minutes and then looked up into his face. _

_"Thank you."_

_"For what Major?" He smiled slightly and it sent chills down my spine. I nervously started playing with his dog tags._

_"For being my friend; for being the only one that cares." He smiled again and slowly shook his head. _

_"Margaret, there are plenty of people who would love to kill you;" I looked up at him curiously, wondering where he was going with this, "But there are even more people that would kill for you." _

_I tried to smile, but as I looked up at him my eyes filled, tears spilling onto my cheeks. He raised his hand and wiped them away. _

"_No more tears Major, he isn't worth it." I shook my head. I knew why I was crying and it had nothing to do with Donald. I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned closer to him. Impulsively I raised my head and zeroed in on his lips. The moment my lips touched his, tears welled up in my eyes again. I had longed for this, sometimes without knowing it. I enjoyed his company immensely despite his crude humor. He was the only true friend I had and I realized at that moment that I loved him. I wasn't sure when my feelings had changed from disdain to love. There had been no fireworks, my heart never jumped when I saw him. I had been in love before and it was always so obvious to me. This time it was different; the love came softly. _

_I began to wrap my arms around his neck but he pushed me back. I looked up and he looked back at me questioningly. I tried to read his expression to see if there was any way he could possibly feel the same way about me. I saw nothing but confusion and shock. As if he could read my mind he shook his head._

"_You're upset Margaret. Come on, I'll help you to your tent." He stood up and offered his hand._

_Embarrassed I struggled to my feet, ignoring his offer of assistance. "Oh God," I thought, "Get me out of here!" I attempted to brush past Hawkeye, but he caught my hand and pulled me over to him._

"_Come on Margaret, you know you would have regretted it in the morning." My face must have turned a million shades of red, from both humiliation and anger. I couldn't believe he was treating me like this. He was acting like the only reason I kissed him was because I was lonely. Oh. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course that's what he thought. How could he think otherwise? Damn, I could act like such an idiot at times! I hung my head and stared at my boots. Could I risk telling him how I felt? I needed to tell him, I ached to have him hold me. Not in the way he had been, in that comforting embrace of a friend; but with the tenderness of a couple who loved each other. _

"_I love you." I whispered it so quietly I wasn't sure if he heard me. He sighed. Well, I guess he did hear me._

"_Margaret…" He paused, searching for words. "…Margaret you've just been through a very big ordeal and you're tired, why don't you get some sleep."_

_So that was it. That was his response to my feelings. I should have known better. My life was hell and I deserved it. Why should things change now? _

_I turned and quickly exited the room. Tears stung in my eyes as the wind whipped around my face. I saw Kellye walk out of the mess tent. She called to me and I ignored her as I began to sprint across the compound. My skirt twisted around my legs and I fell, a rock tearing a gash in my leg. I staggered to my feet and opened the door to my tent. Once in the safety of my cot I curled into a fetal position and I once again began to cry. Oh God, what was I going to do?_


	6. Chapter 6

_I woke up at seven twenty-three the next morning to the sound of an ambulance pulling into the compound. For the first time since arriving in that hell hole I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up around nine. I looked around, bewildered that no one had come to get me for OR. I scooted to the edge of my cot and stood up. Searing pains shot through my left leg and I shrieked. I sat down and looked at my leg. Blood had trickled down my leg leaving a long stain in the dress I was wearing. Suddenly I remembered what had happened the night before. I groaned and collapsed back onto my cot. I wanted to forget…all I wanted was too forget. I quickly fell asleep._

_Several hours later, around noon, Radar quietly knocked on my door._

_"Major Houlihan? Major are you in there?" I didn't answer. I shut my eyes and prayed that he would go away. _

"_Major?" I heard the door softly creek open. "Major…"_

"_Go away Radar." I mumbled quietly. I knew if I didn't say anything he wouldn't leave._

"_Well, uh sir, I…uh mean ma'm, Colonel Potter needs to speak with you." He said nervously._

"_Fine Radar."_

"_All right ma'm." He walked out of the tent, slamming the door on his way out. I really had no intention of going anywhere. I was just thankful that little pest had left me alone. I lay motionless staring at the side of my tent. I must have laid that way for at least a half-hour when I heard a knock on my door._

"_Go away Radar!"_

"_Major," It was Colonel Potter._

"_Come in." I whispered meekly. The door scraped open and I could hear him crossing the tent to my cot. He sat down and put his hand on my back._

"_Radar told me what happened." I stiffened, had the little creep been listening at the door last night? _

"_What did he want?" I relaxed, realizing that Radar had only told him that Donald had been there, nothing else._

"_He just wanted to see me." I said. I didn't feel like giving him any details, it had all happened too recently._

"_And…" He inquired._

"_I told him I wanted a divorce." I mumbled. The colonel sighed, and rubbed my back._

"_I'm sorry, sweetheart." He was being so sweet. Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe I was crying again, I thought I had spent all my tears._

"_It's going to be okay. It will get better soon." He paused; there was something he wanted to tell me. "The CO at the 8063rd called, he wanted to see if you could fill-in for their head nurse for a month or two until they can get another. They have a very limited nursing staff as it is." I sat up and looked at him. _

"_You're going to have me transferred?" I asked incredulously. _

"_It's only temporary." He assured me. "Besides, we think it would be good for you."_

"_We?" I was confused, who wanted to get rid of me?_

"_Ah well, I was talking it over with Pierce, and he agrees that it would be best if you had a change of scenery for a while."_

"_I'll bet." I muttered._

"_What?"_

"_Nothing Colonel," I stood up, I wanted to be alone. "Well I guess I'll start packing." I took a step towards my locker but I had forgotten about my leg and I almost collapsed as I took my first step._

"_That's a nasty little cut you have there Major, what happened?" He helped over to my chair._

_I tried to recall what exactly did happen. Oh Yeah._

"_I fell."_

_He looked at me strangely. I frowned wondering what he was thinking. As I realized what I said I smiled slightly._

"_This time I really did fall Colonel. I tripped in those ridiculous heels." I said indicating the shoes next to my cot. He smiled and patted me on my shoulder._

"_Ah well, change your clothes and then come over to my office and I'll take a look at it." I started to protest but he held up his hand. "It is not open for discussion Major." I nodded in resignation. _

_As he walked out of my tent I tried to figure out what it is I wanted. When I first heard that I was being transferred, I wanted nothing more than to stay. But the more I though about it, the more I agreed that it would be for the best. It was going to be very awkward with Hawkeye from then on. I managed to slip on a pair of shorts, it was a little chilly, as it was still April, but there was no way I could wear pants without my cut being bandaged first. I cleaned the dried blood off of my leg and slipped on my shoes. Then I slowly and painfully headed to the Colonel's office._

"_Ah Margaret, there you are. I was beginning to wonder if you were planning on coming." I blushed as I walked into Colonel Potter's office. _

"_It takes a while to get around." I replied._

"_I would say so, with a cut like that!" He paused and pulled a chair out for me. "Come sit over here, I'll have you fixed up in no time." I gratefully accepted the chair. As he was cleaning the wound he looked up at me and began speaking softly._

"_You know we all love having you here Major." He paused as I chuckled cynically. He sighed and continued. "I just think it would be best if you had a bit of a change for a while." He seemed as if he was going into a long explanation so I quickly interrupted._

"_Colonel, I absolutely agree with you."_

_He looked up, surprised. "Oh, well I'm glad you're being reasonable. Hang on for a moment while I go tell Radar to get the paperwork ready." While he was still saying this Radar walked through the door. _

"_Colonel I have the paperwork for Major Houlihan's transfer."_

"_Radar, get the paperwork for…" He stopped talking as he realized what Radar said. "Thank you Radar, please leave the papers on my desk."_

"_Yes sir." He turned and looked at me. "Major?" _

_I tried to smile; I was always so mean to that boy. "Yes?"_

"_We'll be sad to see you go." My heart melted. What a sweet kid! I always acted like such a jerk to him and now he was being so damn sweet!_

"_Thank you Radar."_

"_Your welcome ma'm." He said nervously as he shuffled into the adjoining room._

"_Colonel, I changed my mind about…" I jumped as I heard his voice and I started breathing heavily. _

"_Come on in Hawkeye. We were just about finished." Hawkeye walked over and stood next to me._

"_God Margaret, what happened?" I looked down, avoiding his gaze. Thank God Colonel Potter spoke up._

"_She tripped and cut her leg."_

"_Oh really? Were you going somewhere in a hurry?" I knew what he was getting at._

"_Shut up Pierce."_

"_Yes, your Majesty." He squatted down and tried to look me in the eyes. I shifted my body nervously and looked the other way._

"_What did you change you mind about Pierce?" Potter asked him as he attached a piece of gauze to my leg. _

_Hawkeye sighed; he obviously wasn't comfortable discussing it in front of me. He ignored the Colonel's question and stood up._

"_Are you all right Margaret?"_

_The Colonel chuckled. "It's only a small cut Pierce."_

_Hawkeye wouldn't take his eyes off of me. I knew what he was really asking._

"_I'll be fine." I quickly changed the subject. "I'm getting a transfer, did you hear?" I wanted to see his reaction; it was immediate._

"_You're actually going?" His expression was one of utter astonishment. _

_I glared at him. "You're the one who thought it was such a good idea!" Poor Colonel Potter was getting nervous with the obvious tension. _

_Hawkeye sighed. "Well goodbye Major. We'll miss you." He smiled as he said it, but the coldness in his eyes sent a chill down my spine. There was something else in his gaze. Something I didn't really understand, he looked as if he had been hurt. At first that made me angry, how could he feel hurt? As if I did something wrong! But then those feelings slowly changed to guilt. Had I done something to hurt him? I couldn't stand the thought._

_Hawkeye slowly walked towards the doors. "Hawk!" I called suddenly, "Please wait." He shook his head._

"_Goodbye Major." And then he walked out the door. I couldn't believe it, he had left me. Just like that. He had promised he would always be there for me and now he was gone. The room suddenly became very hot; I needed to get outside, and quickly. I jumped from my seat, my leg unwilling to move._

"_Major, I'm not done with your leg." Colonel Potter grabbed my hand. I jerked it away and headed towards the door as quickly as possible. I couldn't let him see me cry._

"_I'll finish it in my tent…" I paused. "…As I'm packing."_

_Two hours later a jeep from the 8063rd pulled up. Radar came in to help me with my things. After everything was in the jeep I walked back into my tent. I couldn't believe I was leaving. As much as I thought I hated that place, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving. I looked around at the characterless, khaki-green tent. It was a lot like me. Empty, and soulless, having my entire life shaped by what others wanted of me. _

"_I've been moving all my life." I told myself. "This isn't any different." That's what my mind was telling me but I couldn't make my heart believe it. I was only going to the 8063rd as a temp. But I knew I wouldn't be back._

_I walked outside toward the jeep and placed my last bag in the back seat and climbed in with the assistance of Colonel Potter._

"_Now keep that cut clean." He said gruffly. I smiled sadly. I was going to miss him so much._

"_Thank you Colonel." I whispered. Then he leaned forward and enveloped me in a warm embrace. I leaned back in my seat and wiped the tears from my eyes._

"_Goodbye Colonel." He smiled, squeezed my hand and backed away from the jeep. The corporal from the 8063rd started the jeep and coughed nervously._

"_Are you ready Major?"_

_I nodded and he stepped on the gas, as we were about fifty feet beyond the compound, I turned in my seat to have one final look at the place I had called home for quite a while. As I surveyed the tents I saw one solitary figure standing in the middle of the compound. Hawkeye. He looked so depressing, his hair, now streaked with grey, blew around his face in the chilled breeze. His shoulders sagged and his uniform hung limply off his thin frame. I turned back around I couldn't bear to look at him anymore. I faced the road ahead, that's what I had to do…look ahead. Looking back only brings trouble._

_As we headed for the 8063rd the jeep began smoking horribly. _

"_What's going on?" I asked the corporal nervously._

_He sighed, "I'm not sure; I'll have to check it out." He started to pull the jeep over to the side of the rode but the sound of sniper fire changed his direction. I screamed in pain as a bullet nicked my shoulder. We sped on at full speed. Smoke was pouring out from under the hood but we didn't dare stop. After we had driven quite a ways he slowed down and began to pull over again. Suddenly I noticed flames._

"_Oh God, Corporal get out of the jeep!" I screamed. The engine was on fire! I hopped out as quickly as I could and began to run away from the jeep. I turned as I noticed the corporal had not followed me. I looked around and noticed he was attempting to put out the fire._

"_Corporal get away from there!" I shrieked. He looked at me blankly and continued pouring water onto the flames. I ran toward him as fast as I could, I was only ten feet away when the jeep exploded. I was knocked backwards and my head smacked onto the ground. I blacked out._


	7. Chapter 7

_I moaned as I opened my eyes. The sky had turned grey and seemed to be threatening to storm. I was lying in the middle of a field, about twenty feet away from the jeep, which was still smoldering. I cautiously tried to sit up but a piercing pain shot through my right arm. I looked down at my shoulder. My dress uniform had a small bullet hole in the right shoulder and it was surrounded by dried blood. Warily, I removed the jacket and ripped a hole in my shirt so I could inspect the wound. Fresh blood was still seeping out of the wound. I was about to press my jacket against it but as an afterthought I turned my head to look at my back. I groaned as I saw an exit wound on the backside of my shoulder. There was no way I was going to be able to stop the bleeding. At least the bullet was already out._

_I tried to stand up and for the first time I noticed a large piece of metal laying across my left leg. (I later realized it was the hood of the jeep.) I tried to slip my leg out but it was too heavy. I looked around desperately for the corporal who was driving the jeep. I saw him lying about 50 feet away, unconscious. After ten minutes I managed to lift the piece of metal enough so I could slip out my leg. I gasped as I saw my leg. The metal had gouged a large gash in my leg, about the size of my hand and around an inch deep. There wasn't even a slight chance that I could put any weight on it. I bound my jacket tightly around the wound to attempt to stop the bleeding._

_A cold breeze was starting and I shivered. I was just going to have to wait for someone to come by. An explosion went off nearby and I heard jeeps coming around the bend. So much for waiting around. I managed to crawl over to the corporal. He was lying on his stomach and when I turned him over a wave of nausea swept over me. The explosion had almost completely eroded the boy's face. He was already dead. _

_The jeeps were getting closer, I was fairly certain there were at least two. I frantically looked for somewhere to hide. I didn't want to wait and find out if the jeeps belonged to the US or to the North Koreans. The woods bordering the field were about 20 yards away. I wasn't sure if I could make it there in time but I had to try; there was nowhere to hide. I desperately began to half crawl, half drag, myself across the field. I didn't even stop to look at the jeeps. _

_As the jeeps rounded the bend I heard a Korean shout at the sight of the jeeps. I froze and dropped onto my stomach. I heard several men pile out of the jeeps and begin poking and prodding around for anything or anyone that had survived the explosion. Mostly covered by the grass I turned my body slightly so I could see what was going on. Unfortunately that slight movement caused them to see me. They began shouting as I frantically dragged myself into the wood to avoid the bullets raining down around me. I wasn't fast enough and two bullets caught in my good leg. I cringed but refused to let myself black out. I reached the tree line and pulled myself behind a tree. Why weren't they following me? I glanced back at them; they were standing at the edge of the field, firing occasionally into the trees. I didn't understand. All they had to do was cross the field and then…Suddenly it hit me. The realization of what I had just done sent shivers down my spine. I had just crawled through a mine field! _

_I leaned against the tree trunk breathing heavily. I could have died! The numbness in my leg was slowly being replaced with sharp pangs. My right leg was on fire from the bullets. On top of that my shoulder was bleeding heavily from dragging myself into the woods. My entire body hurt but I knew the pain would only get worse if I didn't get some help soon._

_I painfully pulled myself to my knees and began to crawl. I managed to go about 50 feet before I collapsed in a heap, crying. I knew I couldn't make it anywhere. It was cold, about 40 degrees F. My brown skirt wasn't any help. I looked at the sky. From what I could see through thee tree tops, clouds had completely covered the sky and were dark and ominous. It was going to start raining any minute._

_I pulled myself over to a large tree and curled up tightly. Soon I felt small rain drops hitting my back. Soon large raindrops pounded the dirt splashing mud onto my face. I stayed that way for hours in the pouring rain. I was too scared to move and too scared to fall asleep. I knew there was a very good chance I wouldn't wake up again._

_I could hear artillery going off nearby. Each explosion lit up the sky like a bolt of lightening. I was terrified. I cried like I never had before. And when I stopped crying I began screaming at the top of my lungs. I didn't care who heard me, I just wanted to muffle the noise. After what seemed like an eternity the shelling began to move off into the distance and I mercifully fell asleep._

* * *

"Mommy!" Margaret jumped at the sound of her daughter's voice. "Mommy!" The child called urgently to her from the other room. Margaret stood up and walked across the hall to her daughter's bedroom.

She sat down next to the little girl on the bed.

"Shhhh," She soothed. "What's wrong Emily? Can't you sleep?" The child shook her head.

"You stay with me?" She asked. Margaret smiled. How could she say no? Especially when she looked into her daughter's blue eyes so much like her father's. Margaret nodded and Emily settled down into her pillow. Margaret smoothed down the covers around the little girl's tiny form. The large bed the child was sleeping in accented her tiny frame. Emily had received the new bed as a gift from her parents on her third birthday. She had been thrilled when she saw the "big girl" bed in her room. Margaret sighed. She was growing up so fast.

"Why can't you sleep sweetheart?" Margaret asked as she brushed the girl's silky black hair out of her eyes.

"Bad dream." She muttered. "Do you ever have bad dreams Mommy?" She asked innocently. Margaret smiled, thinking about what she was writing in her journal.

"Yes sweetheart, Mommy has bad dreams."

The fact that her Mother had nightmares also seemed to comfort the child slightly. "Sing to me?"

Margaret smiled and began to sing a soft lullaby to her daughter until she drifted off to sleep. Margaret stood up and kissed her daughter's forehead gently and then she quietly exited the room.


	8. Chapter 8

When I woke up a fine mist was still falling. My clothes were soaked and my head was throbbing. I slowly lifted my head to look around me and everything began spinning. My legs and arms were numb and felt as if they were weighted down. As I lay in the mud I attempted to figure out what to do but that wasn't possible. As hard as I tried to concentrate I couldn't focus. My head hurt and it felt so heavy. On top of that my vision was very blurry, I could barely see anything. I lifted my hand and rested it across my forehead. My head felt as if it was on fire. I moaned and that sent me into a fit of coughing. I laid there for almost an hour before darkness reclaimed me.

I am not sure how long I was unconscious; it may have been a few hours of days. From what others tell me I was missing for five days. I hardly remember anything. What I do remember seems like a horrific nightmare. Every tiny raindrop that splashed onto the ground sounded like a waterfall cascading down a cliff. With every movement pain shot through my body. My fever steadily increased and with that came delirium. Once I saw my father, at first he seemed so kindly so I crawled to him, but when I reached him he disappeared. I heard his laugh behind me. I turned and my eyes couldn't focus on him. I rubbed them and when I looked again he was gone. I tried to drag myself to the spot he had been but my body was unwilling to move. Mustering all the strength I had I managed to pull myself a few feet; but then I felt the ground dropping from beneath me. If I had been more alert I would have realized that I was about to tumble down a steep incline. I hardly noticed as I began crashing down the hillside. When I hit the bottom I blacked out.

Large raindrops began splashing against my face. I groaned as I slowly regained consciousness. I took a shaky breath and I almost blacked out again as a stabbing pain shot through my chest. My chest hurt incredibly but more than that I couldn't breathe. I tried not to cry as that would only intensify the pain. I didn't care anymore; I just wanted the pain to go away. I was miles away from anyone; there was no chance of me getting any help. I just wanted to die. I laid my head against the ground and allowed the darkness to take me away from the pain.

I opened my eyes and saw Hawkeye standing next to me. _What is he doing here?_ He extended his hand to help me up. I grabbed it and he pulled me on my feet. Then I realized I was no longer in Korea but in the backyard of a lovely Victorian home. I looked around me and saw that to the right of the house there was a steep cliff dropping into the ocean. To the left there was a fence bordering the woods. Near the house there was a picnic table with dishes spread out around it.

"Come on." Hawkeye said to me, smiling. "I'm starving!"

I couldn't figure out what I was doing there. Was I dead?

"Lunchtime!" Hawkeye yelled loudly, towards the woods. Who was he calling? I sat down as Hawkeye scooted onto the bench next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and smiled at me.

"Is something wrong Margaret?" He asked looking at me curiously. I couldn't respond. What could I say?

The laughter of children caught my attention and I turned around. I saw two small children racing towards the table. My eyes filled with tears. I knew I couldn't be dead, those were my children. I turned and looked at the man seated next to me. No, they weren't my children…they were **our** children.

A loud clap of thunder snapped me back into reality. It was starting to rain heavily, but I tried not to notice. My lungs were on fire but I rolled onto my stomach and once again began to pull myself. I wasn't sure where I was headed, but I had to stay alive. I paused and looked around. I saw something in the distance. My heart began to race. There was a hut within fifty feet of me! I tried to call for help but the pain almost caused me to lose consciousness. I attempted to drag myself a little further but a dark fog began to enclose around me. I tried to fight it off, I was so close! There was nothing I could do. I collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

I began to regain consciousness much later. As I did I was aware of a blanket covering my body. I cautiously took a deep breath, it hurt but I could breathe! As I woke up I became aware of several other things. I felt a lumpy mattress beneath me, and my head was resting on a small pillow. I could hear two people whispering next to me. I tried to open my eyes but they seemed to be glued shut. I shifted my weight and a moan slipped through my lips. The whispering stopped suddenly.

"Margaret?" It was Hawkeye. Tears sprang to my eyes, which seemed to loosen my eyelids. "Margaret, can you hear me?"

He picked up my hand and squeezed it. I opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the bright lights. Everything was so blurry. I tried to focus my eyes, as I did they rested on Hawkeye. He smiled, bent down and kissed me gently on my forehead.


	9. Chapter 9

About an hour later I opened my eyes. Hawkeye was still sitting beside me. He had fallen asleep his head was bent down, his chin resting on his chest. He looked even more exhausted than I was. Colonel Potter noticed that I was awake and began to walk towards me. I painfully moved my arm and placed one finger above my lips, motioning for him to be quiet. He smiled and nodded. He pulled out a chair and sat down beside me. Silently he checked my pulse and temperature. He smiled again and gave me a thumbs up. As he was leaving I grabbed onto his arm.

"Help me up?" I whispered as quietly as possible. He placed his strong hands under my arms and helped me to sit up slightly. For the next half hour I was content to watch the activity going on around me. The nurses were all trying to be as quiet as humanly possible. I wondered just how long it had been since Hawkeye slept last. I stared at the man. As I studied him I tried my hardest to remember how I had gotten there. I couldn't remember a thing. I didn't even know how long I had been unconscious. The pain medication they had given me was beginning to wear off. I signaled one of the nurses and asked if she thought it would be best if I had more. She looked surprised that I wanted her opinion. I honestly didn't want any meds. They would make me feel so dizzy and out of it. I hated feeling like that. She said it was up to me so I told her to forget it.

Hawkeye began to stir and I shut my eyes hoping if he saw me asleep he would try and get some more rest. Unfortunately I heard him get up and pace back and forth next to me.

"Hawk?" He jumped at my voice and I wanted to laugh. He seemed afraid of me.

"Hey." He picked up my hand. "We've been worried sick about you!" He exclaimed gently.

"How did I get here?" He sighed.

"What is the last thing you remember?"

I frowned trying to recall exactly what happened. It was difficult; the memories were all vague and terrifying.

"I remember, falling." I paused, trying my hardest to sort everything out. "I saw a hut and I tried to crawl towards it." Hawkeye winced at this. He must have realized how painful that had been. "I don't remember anything after that."

"Then why are you blushing?" He asked teasingly. I drew my hand to my cheeks, they were hot. I had been thinking about the dream I had. There wasn't a chance in the world that I would tell him about it.

"How did I get here?" I repeated. He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. He picked up my hand and held it in his.

"A Korean farmer found you outside of his hut." He sighed and continued. "He carried you to the nearest battalion aid station. They had been alerted to be on the look out for any American females coming through, so they called us." He paused. "What happened?" I looked up at him, surprised. What happened? I wasn't sure if I could remember.

"The engine, it was on fire." The memories began to slowly creep back into my mind. When I woke up, Koreans…I tried to crawl away…" I was almost sobbing at this point. He got up from the chair and sat down beside me on the cot, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders. I had wanted this for so long; just a simple reassurance of his friendship.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into my ear. "I'm so sorry." I didn't understand what he meant. What was he sorry about? "I shouldn't have convinced Potter to make you leave." Ah, so he's feeling guilty. Self-pity washed over me. He was only comforting me to appease his own guilt. Well I didn't want to let him off that easy. The tenderness I had been feeling began to turn to stone. I remembered the night before I left and what had happened between us. I realized there was no hope for us to be together.

"I'm tired." I said abruptly. He looked down at me. I'm sure he was wondering at the change of tone in my voice. "Could you leave me alone?" I said it more as a command then as a question. I looked down at my lap not wanting to see the hurt that filled his eyes.

"Alright, I'll come check on you in a few hours." He said as he retreated from my cot.

"Don't bother," I said cruelly. "BJ can check on me. It will be his shift." Hawkeye nodded and walked out.

Colonel Potter walked over to me and sat down in the chair. I groaned inwardly, I had forgotten he was still in post-op.

"I'm surprised at you Margaret." He was frowning and I felt like a little girl being reprimanded by her father. "That boy went half crazy while you were gone." I refused to soften my expression and Colonel Potter sighed. "Don't push him away Margaret. If you won't do it for him do it for me; I don't want to lose another surgeon." I raised my eyebrow questioningly. What did he mean?

"He was thinking about killing himself Margaret." I was shocked; Hawkeye Pierce, probably the only one in camp who had found a way to deal with the war, and he was suicidal? I couldn't believe it. I stared down at my hands as Colonel Potter continued. "BJ found him by the minefields three different times. He would stand there and just stare into the center off it. He couldn't live with the guilt of what he felt he had done to you. He couldn't live with the fact that he could have killed the woman he loves."

My head flew up. My heart began beating rapidly and all the color drained from my face. Colonel Potter chuckled.

"Don't act so surprised Major. I would think you would have found the fact obvious by now." Tears filled my eyes and spilled silently down my cheeks. I shook my head.

"He can't...I told him...He…he just..." After sobbing out these few words I burst into tears. If he loved me as Potter thought he did, then why did he reject me when I told him that I loved him?

"You told him what Major?" I tried my hardest to control the torrent of tears. I took a shaky breath.

"I told him I loved him." I whispered quietly. Colonel Potter sighed.

"Major, I don't know when you told him this but I think you should tell him again."

I can't." I said, beginning to sob again. "You're wrong...I... I just can't..."

"Major, that man loves you. I'm not sure why he didn't admit it before but give him another chance; for both of your sakes. Please?"

I nodded halfheartedly. "Fine Colonel."

"That's my girl." He said, patting my hands. "I'll go get him."

"NO!" I cried. "I'll…uh…I'll just talk to him later."

"Nothing doing Major. You'll talk to him now." He said sternly as he walked outside.

I sat perfectly still in my cot for the next few moments. I was terrified. What was I going to say?

Hawkeye walked towards me and I ducked my head and let my hair fall in front of my face like a curtain; shielding me from having to look into his piercing blue eyes. I couldn't stand the hurt and confusion I saw there.

"Potter said you wanted to talk with me?" He said questioningly. I nodded, trying desperately to control my emotions. I chocked back my tears.

"I'm sorry." I muttered. I sounded like a school girl being forced to apologize for something. "I…" Should I just tell him? I didn't know if I was willing to risk my heart again. "I…um…" I couldn't keep the tears back any longer and they poured out. Sobs wracked thought my body with such an intensity that I couldn't breathe. Hawkeye hurriedly sat down beside me.

"Shhh, it's okay." He tried to calm me like one would a small child. Rubbing my back slowly and holding me tightly. All I could do was shake my head.

"I'm so sorry." I said over and over again. He looked at me with a sad smile.

"Margaret…" he began. I cut him off, shaking my head.

"I love you!" Once I said it the tears only increased. I felt like my world was falling apart. I had always managed to distance myself from people. It was the only way I knew how to deal with my feeling. I just avoided having any feelings at all. That tactic was useless to me now. I was in too deep and I couldn't even breathe. I felt as if I was drowning in my tears. Suddenly I heard a gentle laugh coming from Hawkeye. I looked up at him and gazed into his sparkling blue eyes. He was smiling.

"I love you too." He gently lifted my head and kissed me.


	10. Chapter 10

Margaret stood up and walked towards her closet. She still remembered that kiss as if it were only yesterday. It was so warm and gentle, (which she hardly expected coming from Pierce) but most of all it was sincere. She opened the closet door and pulled out a dusty album. She leafed through the faded pictures smiling. She stopped at the last page. She lightly fingered the top picture.

She was sitting in a cot in post-op. Her hair was a mess and she still had a black eye and several cuts across her face. She could barely sit up but that wouldn't have mattered. She was being supported by a tall handsome doctor. That picture was taken on her wedding day. She couldn't even get up but they were sending her to the hospital in Tokyo and Hawkeye hadn't wanted to let her go. She closed the album and sat back down at her desk.

* * *

_I remember distinctly when he proposed. I woke up to the sound of Hawkeye and Colonel Potter arguing…again. They had gone over the same subject over and over again. Colonel Potter said I needed to go to the hospital in Tokyo but Hawkeye insisted I could stay at the 4077th. It was the same argument. They each repeated their views over and over again. It was making my head hurt even worse. _

"_Hey," my voice cracked. It was driving me crazy that I sounded worse than a horse. "Some people are trying to sleep!" Hawkeye sent a rather hateful glance at Potter and walked over to me._

"_Sorry." He said gently. He put his hand under my hair and began stroking my neck. It made me uncomfortable when he touched me like that. I'm not sure why, I suppose he hadn't completely assured me of his love. Although I'm not sure he could have done much more than he already had, it was mostly my fault. I was scared._

"_He's going to win." I looked up at him frantically. I wasn't sure of much, but I was certain that I didn't want to be sent to some hospital miles away. _

"_I can argue with him all I want but he will eventually win." Hawkeye's voice was completely flat. I knew he hadn't slept at all in the past two days that I had been conscious. I started to cry. I couldn't believe I was starting up again. What was wrong with me? I go my entire life hardly ever crying and then suddenly I turn on the waterworks? I was tired of blubbering all over the place but I couldn't stop the emotions that were coursing through my body. _

"_I'll miss you." He said gently. "But you'll be back; as soon as you're healed they'll send you back." I nodded and tried to control my tears. "But I don't want you to go without giving you this." He pulled a small, blue velvet box out of his pocket. My heart leapt into my throat. So much for controlling my tears. He opened the box and got down on one knee. I was sobbing uncontrollably now._

"_I love you Margaret," His voice sounded strange and I pried my eyes away from the ring to look into his eyes. I realized he was struggling to keep his emotions steady. "I know this seems strange but I don't want to let you go without having the assurance that I'll never lose you again. I want…I'm asking you to me marry me." I didn't even bother to stop the tears. "Will you marry me?" He looked into my eyes, more than anything I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but I couldn't. I was glued in place. I couldn't have moved if my life depended on it. _

_My sobs only increased and I was almost hyperventilating. He sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry Margaret." What was he apologizing for? "I want you to keep the ring anyway." I shook my head furiously. He couldn't leave! Why didn't he realize how I felt?_

"_Idiot," I managed to choke out. "I love you." I don't think I could have said more but it wasn't necessary. He sat down beside me._

"_Then…" He trailed off hopefully. I nodded frantically._

"_Yes, I'll marry you." I clung to him like a honeysuckle vine. I couldn't let go. He gently pried me off of him and helped to lie back on my pillow. _

_He kissed my cheek and then moved his lips to my nose. He brushed the tip and then zeroed in on my lips. He leaned back up and smiled, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand._

"_Marry me today?" I couldn't believe he had just asked me that!_

"_What?" I managed. "Hawk, I can't even…I can't…uh." I was beginning to turn red, I could feel it._

"_I know," he said, smiling broadly. "I know you can barely sit up." He paused and then asked teasingly. "That is what you were going to say wasn't it Hot Lips?" I only blushed more deeply. "I want to marry you before you go to Tokyo."_

_I was shocked, but there was no way I was going to turn him down. We were married a half hour later. There were no frills or any service. I was disappointed that I wasn't even able to walk down the aisle, but Hawkeye promised me a wedding when we returned to the states. I still can't believe that I married a man when I couldn't even sit up, much less have any sort of honeymoon. I was sent to Tokyo that same day. I cried the entire way there. I couldn't help but feel that it would be the last time I ever saw Hawkeye Pierce. _

* * *

Short and sweet…I was considering ending the story here with just a slightly different ending. Instead…I will be continuing for at least five more chapters. Hawkeye is only going to show up once more and then we won't hear from him anymore. (Hawkeye fans…please don't kill me!) Thanks to all my loyal reviewers! I'll try to update soon! 


	11. Chapter 11

_Ah Tokyo, my fist week there was miserable; mentally and physically. I couldn't fall asleep because of the unfamiliar surroundings and whenever I did manage to fall asleep some insolent nurse would make me up to check on me. I swear those nurses would just wait until I fell asleep so they could assure that I never got any rest. _

_I missed Hawkeye terribly. I would lie in my bed and stare at my left hand. It looked strange having a ring on my finger. It shouldn't have, I was married before. But this was different. I loved Hawkeye with all my heart, and this time I knew it would last because my feelings hadn't emerged from lust, far from it. Rather they came out of a good, solid friendship built on trust and respect. Eventually that friendship had turned into something more, although neither of us wanted to admit it. He was the only thing that kept me from going crazy in that stupid hospital. _

_I never heard from anyone from the 4077th or elsewhere. After fifteen days in hell I was released. I still had crutches for my right leg. It was swollen slightly and it still hurt to use it. I had to talk to the Colonel at the hospital to get transferred back to the 4077th. I was dreading speaking with him but I clumsily hobbled over to his office and his secretary escorted me inside._

"_Colonel, Major Houlihan to see you." The colonel nodded not even lifting his head from his paperwork._

"_Sit down Margaret." I sat down nervously and looked about his office. After a minute or so he leaned back in his chair and studied me carefully._

"_You haven't told your father about the accident have you?" I looked at the man guiltily and shook my head._

"_And your marriage, does he know about that?" Again I shook my head, avoiding eye contact. "Margaret, you have to tell him; at least about the marriage!" The man softened his tone. "I know he can be tough Maggie, hell I grew up with him! But you have to tell him." I looked up at my uncle and nodded. I nervously cleared my throat._

"_You know what I came here for?" I asked questioningly. He nodded and avoided eye contact._

"_I can't let you go back Maggie." He said gently._

"_What?" I screamed. I jumped up and took a step towards his desk, forgetting my crutches and almost collapsing in pain. _

"_Margaret sit down." He commanded sternly. I shook my head and supported myself on his desk. "That's an order Major." He said, emphasizing my rank. I sighed and lowered myself back into the chair._

"_I know you want to get back to your husband but they've just cleared all the nurses out of the front. You'll be temporarily placed in Seoul or even here in Tokyo if you want. _

"_Seoul." I said resolutely. I wanted to be as close to Hawkeye as possible. _

"_Fine Maggie and it's only going to be for a little while."_

_I sighed, why did everything have to be so difficult? Couldn't just one thing go smoothly for me?_

* * *

_I arrived in Seoul the following day. It was hot and humid, a miserable day. I was working in a small military hospital, nothing new. I had done this sort of thing before. As I was settling in my roommate walked in. I hadn't been so happy in days._

"_Kellye!" I shouted in amazement, I hobbled over to her and threw my arms around her. She looked at me in shock._

"_Major are you feeling alright?" She asked uncomfortably. I blushed slightly and nodded._

"_I feel fine. Thank you." Kellye began to help me unpack, still watching me curiously. I'm sure she was wondering what on earth had possessed me._

"_How's Hawkeye?" I asked hesitantly, I was almost afraid of the answer. I had the worst luck in the world; I didn't think I could take anymore bad news. Kellye smiled, realizing how I must have felt._

"_He's fine," she assured me. "Although he's missing you, all he was doing was sulking. You can call him when we're done here." She suggested. I nodded in agreement, my eyes shinning in anticipation. _

_We worked silently for a bit, each of us lost in our own thoughts. A sudden thought came to me and I looked at Kellye curiously._

"_How long have you been here?" I asked._

_She looked at the floor. "Almost a week." She said lightly, although she was still avoiding looking me in the eye. I could tell there was something she didn't want to tell me._

"_And how long do they thing we will be here?" Kellye turned and walked towards the door._

"_Why don't I show you where you can call Captain Pierce."_

"_Kellye!" I called in my sternest voice. "How long are we staying here?"_

_Poor Kellye she looked as if she wanted to sink into the floor. "They told me around two months." She muttered. Two months? I slipped onto my cot and groaned. Why me? Why was it always me? She walked back over to me and held out her hand. I grabbed on to it and she pulled me up and then helped me with my crutches._

"_Come on Major, I'll help you with the phone."_


	12. Chapter 12

"Radar, is that you?" I clutched the receiver tightly to my ear.

"Major Houlihan?" He asked. I sighed with relief.

"Yes, Radar. Um…I need to speak with Captain Pierce." There was silence on the other line. "Corporal did you hear me?" I asked rather sternly.

"Uh yes ma'm, it's just that…"

"Margaret?" It was Colonel Potter.

"Hello Colonel." I sighed was I ever going to be able to speak with Hawkeye?

"How are you?" He asked sincerely.

"I'm fine. Colonel is Hawkeye around?" I asked before he had a chance to continue.

"Well uh, Margaret…Pierce is uh…Hawkeye's in surgery. We've got wounded up to our ears." He was speaking rather hurriedly. I wondered if he even believed what he just said.

"Oh, well thank you Colonel." I said disappointedly.

"I'm sorry you can't speak with him right now but…"

"That's all right Colonel. Goodbye." I hung up quickly and began rubbing my temples.

"What's wrong Major?" Asked Kellye, who was still standing beside me. I only shook my head. I was suspicious. If Hawkeye was in surgery then why had Colonel Potter been able to talk to me? Why wasn't he in surgery too? I walked out of the small office and headed back to my quarters to get some sleep.

That was a miserable night. I was tossing and turning until two in the morning when I finally fell into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares. It was the same dream playing in my mind over and over.

I was in a field, lying on my back staring at the sky. The clouds were dark and large and they seemed to be rushing in towards the ground; almost as if they were alive. I tried to move but I seemed to be paralyzed. I couldn't see anything but the tall grass surrounding me and the dark sky. Every noise echoed in my ears and caused me to shrink back in fear.

I heard Korean soldiers walking around me and their angry shouts. Then suddenly I heard the piercing cry of a newborn baby. I frantically tried to sit up to see where the cries were coming from but I was still pinned to the ground. The footsteps around me stopped suddenly and I felt myself being dragged by my arms. My head leaned forward, my chin resting on my chest as they pulled me to the edge of the field. I saw blood covering my entire body. My chest was ripped open exposing my ribs. I realized why I couldn't move…I was dead. The man dropped me at the side of the road and I felt something under my arm. They had laid me next to a baby. The child was also covered in blood and was so mutilated that it was obviously dead. I looked away in horror. Then I saw was a rough blanket being placed over my body. A few moments later the blanket was ripped off and I was in the middle of the field again…the dream continued on exactly as it had before. I was trapped in this terrifying dream and I couldn't get myself to wake up. This dream played over and over in my mind all night, with each dream my fear and terror increased until Kellye mercifully awoke me a little before six.

"Major wake up." She said, rocking me gently. I shot up so quickly I must have scared her half to death. My shirt was soaked with perspiration as was my sheets and cot. "Are you aright Major? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

I attempted to smile as I stood up. "I'm fine; it was just a bad dream." She nodded, still eyeing me cautiously.

"Alright, hurry and get dressed, I'll show you around the hospital." I nodded and quickly pulled on my clothes.

* * *

My first day there was exhausting. I had tried my hardest to fill my expected position but I couldn't focus. My mind was miles away, wondering what my husband was doing. I just couldn't keep my suspicions at bay. I wanted to trust him but his track record made me wary. About halfway through the day a surgeon approached me.

"Major Houlihan, may I speak to you for a moment?"

"Of course Colonel. What can I do for you?" I replied curtly.

"Are you all right Major? Your mind seems to be miles away." I blushed slightly, I wasn't aware that my troubles were that obvious.

"I'm fine Colonel, thank you for asking." I quickly turned and walked away to get some needed supplies from the storage room. I was breathing heavily and my heart was beating quickly. I knew I wasn't all right.

"Damn it!" I yelled as I tripped over a stack of small boxes. I knelt down to restack them and I began to cry softly. "Damn him!" I screamed, "I hate him!" I heard the door open and I quickly tried to regain my composure.

"Major?" It was Kellye, I wondered if I could trust her. I needed to talk to someone, and this time there was no Hawkeye. I couldn't lean on him any more. I turned to let her see my face.

"What am I going to do?" I asked weakly. She walked over to me and knelt beside me, placing her arm around my shoulders.

I started babbling as I began to cry again. "I knew what he was like. Why did I think he would change for me?" She looked confused but I continued rambling. "I don't know why I expected him to be different, but still…I just…I mean…well we haven't even…" My sentence dissolved into sobs and she hugged me softly. It was comforting to know she cared even though I had been almost cruel to her in the past.

"You think he's cheating on you?" I nodded, still too upset to speak. "Why do you think that? I mean you haven't even talked to him so why would that lead you to believe he's with another woman?"

"Colonel Potter lied." I choked out.

"I'm not following you."

"He said Hawkeye was in surgery but he wasn't." Kellye sighed.

"Talk to him before you yell at him, okay? Give him a chance, and try not to worry Major. He loves you and I doubt he would act that foolishly." I nodded and attempted to smile as I began to restack the boxes. Kellye stood up and began to walk out.

"Kellye," I called. She turned and looked at me. I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to thank her for being so sweet to me when I was always such a jerk to her. I was never very good with words. "Call me Margaret?" I said as a question rather than a command. She nodded and I knew she understood.

* * *

I walked back to my quarters that night with Kellye. She was trying her hardest to keep me entertained to keep my mind off of Hawkeye. We were right outside when she stopped suddenly.

"Oh darn, I forgot something." She said rather forcefully. I looked at her curiously. What was she up to? "I'll be right back Margaret." She turned around and jogged off. I chuckled to myself. What was with her? She was a terrible liar. I shook my head in amusement and opened the door. I yanked off my coat and was about to pull off my shirt when I heard a voice behind me.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" My heart jumped at that voice. I whipped around and stared at the man stretched across my cot. I ran to him and threw myself on top of him and started crying. Hawkeye laughed and pried me off of him.

"Hey some welcome; a torrent of tears." He smiled and wiped my face off with his sleeve.

"I missed you." I managed to say.

"I missed you too Hot Lips." I hadn't realized how much I had missed him until I saw him lying there. Suddenly something in my mind clicked.

"Where were you last night?" He smiled.

"In a hotel, not far from here. Why?" I blushed deeply thinking of my agony all day and my outburst with Kellye. Wait Kellye…where was she? I looked at Hawkeye suspiciously.

"Does Kellye know?" He laughed loudly, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Of course she does, why do you think she's bunking with a different nurse for the next two nights?"

"Two nights?" He nodded.

"Yeah Colonel Potter gave me a three day pass." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "You know we never got a honeymoon."

"I am quite aware of that fact Captain." I giggled as he poked my side. Suddenly he grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head as he began tickling my stomach.

"Stop!" I screamed, laughing hysterically. I thrashed around trying desperately to free my arms. Suddenly he let go and lurched backwards. I sat up quickly preparing myself for another attack. I frowned as I saw him sitting on the floor with his hand cupped under his nose…he was bleeding.

I stifled a laugh as I jumped up and grabbed a towel. I sat down beside him and handed it to him as he glared at me playfully.

"I'm going to have a hard time explaining this at the 4077th." I smiled and leaned against his side. He wrapped his free arm around me and pulled me close.


	13. Chapter 13

We spent a wonderful weekend together. I managed to get the next two days off and we spent all of our time together. The more time I spent with him the more I realized how much I needed him. He managed to bring out a part of me that I had managed to hide for years. I felt awkward at first but that all faded away with the assurance of his love. I was surprised to find that he isn't always what he seems. For example; on the last night we were together he simply wanted to hold me. We lay awake in each others arms all night; neither of us saying a word. Everything we wanted to say we knew the other was already thinking.

On the day he left I sulked around the hospital all day. Kellye attempted to lighten my mood but it wasn't helping. I knew I wouldn't get to see him again until all the nurses were able to go back. Incoming wounded were just too unpredictable. You could never tell when casualties would start pouring in. The first week without him was the hardest. After that everything became routine. I have always managed to use routine to hide behind; it's the only thing that keeps me going when my world is crashing down around me. It really works too. Well unless everything starts to spin completely out of control; than any effort on my part to pretend that everything is fine turns out to be futile. That's what happened about six weeks later.

I was happy because there was talk that they were letting us go back to the front. All of the nurses thought I was really going crazy; but Kellye understood. Well she understood in theory but she was still miserable about going back. A colonel threw a party for all the nurses a week before we were to leave. It was fun, but I was bored for most of the time. Around one o'clock someone gave me a drink. I swear I only had one. I was shocked the next morning when I had the worst hangover in existence. Kellye watched me strangely; apparently she remembered that I only had one drink. I pushed through the day, slightly puzzled. I finally concluded that some jerk had slipped something into my drink.

However I began to get worried when I awoke at four the following morning and almost fell over when I got out of bed. The room was spinning and it was difficult for me to get up. I cautiously got dressed and decided to go for a run to try and shake off whatever it was that was wrong. By the time I got back I felt considerably better. Kellye had just gotten up and was taking a shower. Once she got out I hopped in and let the hot water stream down my body. That was something I would definitely miss at the 4077th. That and indoor plumbing.

Anyway I climbed out of the shower and as I was drying off I felt violently sick. I knelt over the toilet and my stomach emptied its contents. I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out in the sink. Then I sat down, with my back leaning against the wall. I wrapped my arms around my legs and I began to cry. Why did it always happen to me? I honestly think I have the worst luck in the world. If anything could go wrong for me it did.

After crying for about ten minutes I put on my robe and walked back to my room. When I walked in I turned my back to Kellye so she couldn't see my red eyes. That didn't really help. I was still sniffling; I couldn't get my damn nose to stop running!

"What's wrong Margaret?" She asked, walking over to me.

"Nothing," I muttered. I knew I wasn't fooling her. I almost started crying all over again as I said it.

"Are you sick?" She asked gently. I only shook my head. "Then you're pregnant." She said as a statement rather than a question. I didn't say anything as I began to get dressed. "You are aren't you?"

I sat down suddenly on my cot and began to cry softly. "I don't know." I managed to mutter between sobs. "I just don't know." Kellye sat down beside me and put her arm around me comfortingly. I leaned against her and she stayed motionless until my tears ceased.

"You're not sure?" She asked quietly.

"No"

"Come on let's go get you tested." She said as she stood up. I shook my head furiously. There was no way I could go through that right now. "You have to do it eventually." She said, I sighed.

"Fine, let's get it over with.

* * *

"Oh my God what am I going to do?" I sobbed as I sat down heavily on a bench in the hall. Kellye sat down beside me; she didn't say anything she just offered her presence which was comforting. "He's going to kill me." I muttered.

At that Kellye looked up at me in surprise. "Hawkeye?" she asked. I nodded. "Margaret, are you crazy? He'll be thrilled!"

"How do you know that?" I asked sharply. She smiled.

"What did he say the last time you thought you were pregnant?"

I looked at her in surprise. How did she know about that?

"Don't look so shocked; everyone knew about that. Now what did he tell you?"

I began to think back to the night when I had confided in him. What was it he had said?

"_Margaret, in the midst of all this death and destruction there's a little glimmer of life thanks to you. That's not wonderful, that's a miracle."_

I sniffed and wiped my tears away. I turned to Kelly and attempted to smile. "I guess your right." I conceded.

"Of course I'm right. Now let's go give him a call."

I panicked. "No! I…uh…I mean I don't want him to worry about me." I was trying desperately to find a reason to put off calling him and Kellye knew it. "I'll just tell him when we get back."

"Margaret," she said softly. "There's no going back; not for you anyway." My heart dropped.

"Kellye no; please don't tell anyone." I begged. "I have to go back!"

"Major, you're pregnant. You can't go back." I turned and ran as fast as I could out of the building. I had to get away. I stopped myself right after I burst through the double doors. Where was I running? I couldn't escape my problems. I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach and dropped to my knees. What was I going to do? I began to cry bitterly as Kellye come up behind me and placed a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Come on Margaret, let's head back." I nodded and she helped me up and supported me as we walked back to our room.

* * *

"You have to call him Margaret!" Kellye shouted. We were at it again; It was the day before we were going back to the 4077th. "You can't go back!"

"Please Kellye? It's really important to me. I need to tell him in person." We had been arguing about this ever since I found out I was pregnant.

Kellye sighed and sat down on her cot. "You can't go." She said quietly.

I sat down beside her. "What is a few extra days going to hurt? Please Kellye; just keep quiet about this for a few more days." Kellye only sighed and walked out of the room. I knew I had won.

The next morning we extremely busy preparing for the transfer. I was in the middle of packing when I was called into the CO's office. I walked inside and he asked me to sit down. I nervously waited to hear what he wanted. He reached into his drawer and pulled out a small package.

"These are your travel orders." He said gruffly. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"Your travel orders," He repeated. "You leave in an hour."

"Where?"

He looked up at me surprised. "Stateside." At my blank expression he clarified, "You've been discharged Ms. Houlihan."

No, no, no! Like I said, if anything can go wrong for me it will. At least that is how it seemed then. After he dismissed me I ran back to find Kellye. I couldn't believe she would do this to me. I arrived at our room and aside from my few belongings it was empty. She had already left. I tried to call Hawkeye but no one picked up. There must have been heavy casualties. An hour later I boarded a plane headed for Tokyo. As the plane took off I glanced out the window and watched as everything that I had known for the past two years slowly slip away.


	14. Chapter 14

I looked around the large airport terminal, debating which way to turn. I opted to go left and as I started walking I collided with another woman.

"Watch where you are going!" The woman said angrily. I glared at her and bent down to pick up my things. I had landed in Los Angeles twenty minutes before. The entire flight I was nauseous. Now that we had landed I was feeling considerably better; although all I wanted was to sit down. I was so tired. I walked down the long hallway trying to avoid another collision. I finally made my way to the front of the airport and looked around for a taxi. The only one around was already taken by a middle-aged business man, loading his suitcase into the trunk. I gave my suitcase a shove, letting it skid to a stop by his feet. He glanced over at me and quickly picked it up as I flashed a smile at him.

"Why thank you sir." I said in my best "Hot Lips" voice. The poor man began to stutter as I slyly placed my suitcase in the trunk and removed his. I thanked him again and slid into the back seat, telling the driver to take me to the nearest hotel. As we were driving off, the poor man was still staring after me with his mouth hanging open. The man obviously wasn't accustomed to womanly affection; he didn't even realized what happened!

Five minutes later I climbed out of the cab and paid the driver. I walked inside the hotel and requested a room. An hour later I climbed out of a hot shower and laid on the soft bed. Exhaustion crept over me. I wasn't sure why I was so tired, I raised my hand and rubbed my eyes. They felt hot and I moved my hand up to my forehead. Damn it! Now on top of everything else I was sick. It was probably the damn recycled air in the airplane. I kicked off my shoes, not bothering to change and slipped under the covers and fell into a deep sleep.

I awoke the next morning to a plates crashing outside my door and a waiter cursing. I sat up and tried to figure out where I was. Slowly memories flooded into my head and I groaned. I glanced at the clock and almost screamed. My flight left in a half-hour! I yanked my shoes back on and grabbed my suitcase and ran downstairs. I didn't bother to change so I was still wearing my dress uniform. I finally made it to the boarding area three minutes before the gates closed.

As I sat on the plane I thought about where I was headed. At first I thought that I should go to my sister in New York, but she has three small children and I didn't want to bother her. I tried to decide where I would have gone if Hawkeye was with me. Maine; we would have gone to Maine. I knew his hometown was in Maine but I wasn't sure if any of his family still lived in Crabapple Cove. I didn't even know the names of his parents.

It was drizzling when the plane landed and I felt horrible. I had a fever and all my energy was drained. I managed to get myself on a bus headed for Crabapple Cove and I quickly fell asleep.

Two and a half hours later the bus driver woke me, telling me that we were at the end of his route; Crabapple Cove. I smiled gratefully and made my way off the bus. I stood in the rain as I looked around the tiny town. It was around five-thirty and I was starving. I hadn't had anything to eat since the day before. I saw a small diner and made my way over to it.

"Hello miss," An elderly woman in an apron approached me. "Would you like a table or booth?"

"Booth please," my voice sounded hoarse and I tenderly rubbed my sore throat.

My name is Katrina, I own this fine diner. What can I get for you hun?"

"Coffee," I croaked, "and a sandwich."

She nodded, "Are you all right sweetheart? You look pretty bad."

"I'm fine; do have a restroom I can straighten up in?"

"Of course, it's right over there." She said motioning towards the corner of the room. "Your food will be ready in about fifteen minutes.

I smiled my thanks and rummaged around in my suitcase for a comb. I stood up quickly and the room started spinning. I sat down and waited for the ground to stay steady. I cautiously stood up again and made my way to the bathroom. I washed my face in the sink and combed my hair. I unlocked the door and scooted past a man waiting to use the bathroom. As I passed him I noticed something familiar. I stared at him as he shut the door, wondering where I had seen this man before. I shook my head to clear away my confusing thoughts and headed back to my table. However I never made it there. Ten feet away from the table the room started spinning again. I looked around desperately for something to hang onto. Darkness slowly crept over my eyes and I fought it. I remember the ground rushing towards my face and a worried scream from a woman. As I lay on the ground I could hear people scrambling around me. The last thing I recall is a pair of strong arms lifting me off the floor.

* * *

My head was pounding and light was searing into my eyes. I groaned and tried to sit up but a firm hand held me down.

"Lie down," A gentle voice commanded. I wasn't sure why but the sound of this man's voice was comforting. I tried to adjust my eyes to the brightness of the room. Slowly certain features began to stand out. I saw a glass cabinet with a lock on it. There was a jar of cotton balls, and next to it, a jar of tongue depressors.

"Do you remember what happened?" He asked.

I thought about it. What had happened? Oh yeah…I blushed and nodded. I coughed suddenly and my ribs began to ache.

"You have pneumonia." He clarified.

I ignored the man's previous instructions and I sat up slowly.

"You certainly are one of my most stubborn patients." He chuckled. "You need rest though, your very sick." He continued seriously.

I stared at the man. I realized it was the same man I had seen in the diner. "Do I know you?" I asked hesitantly.

He shook his head. "I don't believe so." He extended his hand. "I'm Daniel, the town's loyal and underpaid Doctor."

"I'm Margaret Houl…" Coughs racked through my body and I groaned.

"Where do you live Margaret? You need to get some sleep."

"I…uh…I don't…I'm looking for my husband's parents." She finished lamely.

"You were just recently discharged?" He asked, indicating my uniform. I nodded.

"Does your in-laws live here?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"Well if they do I'm sure I know them. What are their names?"

"Uh…it's funny you should ask that…see I uh…I don't exactly know their names." I was feeling very hot and light headed again. I laid back down on the examining table. Concerned, Daniel walked over to me and wiped my forehead with a cloth.

"Well you can stay ay my place for the night."

I shook my head. "No, I'll just get a hotel room." What kind of town was this? People just randomly asked strangers to stay at their house?

"Nonsense. You're sick and unless you would rather me take you to the hospital you're coming home with me." He said firmly.

I was too tired to argue. If he was some perverted freak than so be it, I was willing to take the chance, I was so exhausted all I wanted was sleep.

Ten minutes later we arrived at his house and he carried me up the stairs to a large guest room. He pulled and old nightgown from the closet and handed it to me.

"I'll check on you in the morning." He promised as he shut the door behind him. I slipped off my filthy uniform and left it on the floor. As I slipped the nightgown over my head I could smell its soft lilac scent. I pulled the covers back on the bed and slipped in between the covers and quickly fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning I slowly became aware of my surroundings. I felt a soft mattress under me and a light comforter on top of me. The walls were painted a sunny yellow and the room was decorated with white, antique furniture. I looked at the nightstand beside me and saw a tray sitting on it. I pulled the tray onto the bed and attempted to eat some of the food although I didn't have much of an appetite. I drank some of the tea he had provided and placed the tray back on the nightstand before sinking back down under the covers. I curled up into a ball and cried softly. I wished more than anything that she was back in Korea.

A soft hand on my shoulder made me jump. "What's wrong sweetheart?" Daniel's gentle voice brought more tears to my eyes.

"Just missing home." I replied groggily.

"And where is home?"

"Korea, believe it or not."

Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise and sat down beside me on the bed. "Are you feeling better this morning?"

I nodded. "I think the fever is gone, but I still have a cough." I informed him as he felt my forehead.

"So your husband is in Korea?"

"He's a surgeon. We worked together at a MASH unit since the war started."

"And why are you here? Instead of in Korea, I mean."

I sighed, "Well the main idea of it is that I told a friend a secret and she ratted me out to the commanding officer of the hospital I was at."

Daniel smiled knowingly. "So what you mean is, you're pregnant and you begged your friend not to tell anyone but she did anyway. Am I right?"

I stared at the man in shock; my mouth hanging open. Was he psychic? He laughed at my expression.

"Don't look so shocked. I seem to have a knack for figuring these sorts of things out." I smiled and tried to regain my composure.

"I used to know a boy in Korea like that. He always knew what was going to happen before it happened. We nicknamed him Radar."

Daniels eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in shock. "Radar O'Reilly?" I could only nod. "Where did you know him from?" Daniel asked curiously.

I tried to tell him but my words came out in a jumbled mess. "Radar and I…MASH…we…uh…I…I worked with him…and uh…"

"So you worked with Radar at the 4077th?"

"How do you know about the…"

"Margaret Houlihan?"

Daniel was getting me scared. Who the hell was this guy? I nodded to confirm my name and he burst out laughing. Oh my god. The instant he threw back his head everything clicked into place. That laugh, it was so familiar and comforting. The man in front of me was Daniel Pierce. My eyes filed with tears and I lowered my head to hide them.

"I can't believe it." He murmured as he tilted my head up. "I have a daughter."

That was all he said. Not daughter-in-law; just daughter. I sniffed and smiled before I went into a fit of coughs. Daniel handed me a glass of water before kissing me gently on the forehead.

"Get some sleep Margaret." He said quietly as he walked out the door.

I couldn't believe it. For the first time in my life it seemed as if something good had actually happened.

* * *

Wickedly short chapter I know...I just didn't want to tack this onto the last chapter as it was already too long. I'll probably update fairly soon. What happens next? Margaret gets to know the people of Crabapple Cove. More reveiwsfaster updates hint hint


	16. Chapter 16

The next few weeks were difficult for me. Between the morning sickness and pneumonia I felt horrible all the time. Although everything was easier knowing that I had someone nearby who cared about me. From the second I met Daniel Pierce I knew that he really cared. I could count on the fact that he would always be there for me. Some days he would sit on my bed and just ask to hear about me. He wouldn't say a word about himself or his problems; he just honestly wanted to know how I was doing. I was feeling better after about two weeks. The pneumonia was gone and aside from feeling nauseous in the morning I was fine.

It was the end of June and I still had seen practically nothing of Crabapple Cove. Daniel had kept me in bed for quite a while, and when he finally let me get up he still wouldn't let me out of the house. Thinking back I suppose it was for the best but at the time I was going crazy.

I remember on a Monday morning Daniel was getting ready for work. I pulled myself out of a hot shower and quickly got dressed.

"Can I come with you?" I asked nervously as he began to make breakfast. I held my breath as I waited for his answer. I was almost certain he would let me.

"No." He said simply, giving no explanation.

I huffed and sat down at the kitchen table angrily. "Why not?" I whined. "You can't possibly have a reason for wanting me to stay cooped up here. I'm perfectly healthy! I just don't see why you…" I trailed off as I saw Daniel's smirk as he was trying to keep from laughing. I blushed and stared at my hands. "You jerk." I mumbled playfully.

Daniel laughed and began pouring batter onto a got griddle. "Of course you can come with me Margaret. Although I don't see why you would want to be in the office with me. I'll drive you into town though; maybe you can do some shopping." He offered. I nodded eagerly and headed upstairs to get ready.

An hour later he held open the door while I climbed in. It was a beautiful day, I wouldn't have minded simply driving around the country, but Daniel had to work and I knew there was no way he would let me drive around by myself in the country.

Five minutes later we pulled into the small town and Daniel parked in front of his office. I jumped out, excited to explore my new surroundings. I wasn't used to small towns like this but it seemed like a nice change; something simple.

"Margaret," He called. I turned and walked over to him and he pressed something into my hand and quickly walked inside. I opened my hand and saw a roll of bills. I shook my head and walked inside after him.

"Daniel I can't…"

"Nonsense, do you want to wear my wife's outdated clothing all the time?" He said, indicating the dress I was wearing. I blushed and he laughed. "Just go, have some fun with it." I smiled gratefully and headed back outside into the sunshine.

I spent the day exploring the tiny town and purchasing some simple dresses and shoes. It had been so long since I had clothes of my own. I had been in the army for the past seven years, and I never had anything else besides khaki-green and brown. I was so sick of uniforms. Around three o'clock I changed into one of my dresses and headed for Daniel's office. I remember everything about that dress. The material was light and flimsy. It was pale blue with a high waist. I loved that dress, I kept it for years. I walked into the office and an elderly woman sat behind a receptionist's desk in the lobby, watching me strangely.

"Are you Margaret?"

I could only nod, this woman made me nervous. However when I verified who I was she smiled warmly.

"Well, go on in sweetheart, Daniel's office is the last door to the right."

I smiled gratefully and walked through the door to a narrow hallway.

"Hi sweetheart." Daniel greeted as I peeked my head into the door. He looked at my dress and smiled approvingly. "You look lovely."

"Dr. Pierce," the receptionist called. "Mrs. Johnson is here with Emily, shall I have them wait?"

Daniel sighed. "Yes, uh I'll have to finish these papers. Just tell her…"

"What is she here for?" I interrupted.

"Susan Johnson has a two year old daughter, Emily. The woman has a heart-attack anytime Emily so much as sneezes." I laughed.

"Well I can get her ready, take her temperature and…"

"I don't want you working Margaret." He replied sternly.

"Oh for god's sake Daniel, I'm not an invalid, I'm a nurse! I think I can manage to take a child's temperature!" Saying that I quickly walked to the lobby and escorted the woman and her child to an exam room.

* * *

"You were a great help to me today Margaret." I smiled gratefully.

"It was fun; I liked working in a private practice. It certainly was different but I enjoyed myself."

Daniel looked at me and sighed. "You know how I feel about you working." I looked disappointedly out the window of the car as he continued. "But I also know that next to my son you are the most stubborn person on the face of this earth. So if you insist on working I would at least like to keep an eye on you." Was he saying what I thought he was saying? "I've been putting off getting some help in that place but I desperately need it. So what I guess I'm saying is that I'd like to have you work with me if you would like to."

If he wasn't driving I would have thrown my arms around him. As it was, I gave him a kiss on the cheek anyway.

* * *

The next few months went by slowly. I missed my husband so much, but Daniel helped and so did my new nursing position. They both kept me busy, kept my mind off my misery. Also the baby helped. I remember when I learned that I was pregnant I was terrified. I was terrified of what would happen to me, my army career, and my new marriage. I never really thought about the fact that I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby, a child, a little girl or boy. I never fully realized the extent of what had happened. Well, until I felt the baby move for the first time. My growing stomach had knocked over a glass of water; I cursed and bent down to clean up the broken glass. I barely even felt it; it was just a light flutter, like a small butterfly trapped inside me. I sat on the floor and held my breath, praying to feel it again. The second time it moved I definitely knew that it was my baby. I started crying. Suddenly I realized that I wasn't alone. I had my baby, Hawkeye's baby inside of me.

For the next two months I felt so much happier. I realized that everything would be fine. I wasn't the only woman who was separated from her husband. I wasn't the only woman who was going to have to deal with the fact that my baby wouldn't get to see it's daddy for quite a while.

On Thanksgiving Day I was driving home from a nearby city. I had done some early Christmas shopping for Daniel. A friend of mine was an excellent artist and I had convinced him to paint a picture of Hawkeye and his mother. It took me several days to find a good picture of her but at last I found one. She was bending over Daniel's shoulder as he was holding Hawkeye. I had my friend replace Daniel with a picture of Hawkeye holding our child. I was only six months pregnant but I thought that it would still be appropriate. I just knew Daniel would love his gift.

When I picked up the gift my friend had not only given me the framed painting but a smaller sketch also. He told me it was his Christmas present to me. I thanked him and began to speed home as fast as possible. Daniel told me he would kill me if I was late for the Thanksgiving dinner he was preparing.

It had been snowing earlier that day. I couldn't believe the weather in Maine, it was so cold! I knew it was well below freezing outside. It was getting dark and I knew I was late for dinner. I foolishly increased my speed and as I did so my tires hit a patch of black ice.

I tried desperately to control the car, I felt sick, I just wanted to be safe at home. I honestly think I would have been fine. The car slid arcos to the other side of the road but I was slowing down and I'm sure I would have easily regained control. Except at that moment a truck careened around the corner.

I screamed and covered my head with my hands. The truck hit the car and for a few moments it felt like I was flying, until the car crashed into the ground. I was crying hysterically and I had moved my hands from around my head to around my baby. I never really believed in a god but at the moment I prayed desperately for my baby. "Oh God just keep my baby safe." I said it over and over again in my mind as the car flipped and rolled down a steep embankment.

The car stopped at the bottom of the hill and I couldn't move. I helplessly lay in the car and began crying desperately as I felt warm blood trickling down between my legs. As I cried I felt so hot and tired. I struggled to stay conscious but I soon slipped into oblivion.

* * *

Yeah wicked place to end a chapter. Poor Margaret, nothing ever seems to go right for her. Anyway I'm going to continue on with my original ending but I have another idea for yet another ending. So what I want to know is if I should keep the alt. ending to myself or if I should post it? Let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

I remember when I woke up in the hospital two days later. Daniel was sitting beside me with his head in his hands. I tried to sit up but sharp pain in my ribs prevented me from doing so. I groaned and Daniel's head jerked up and he smiled.

"You've had us scared to death. Don't you ever do that again." He said as he began to cry tears of relief. At that moment he reminded me so much of Hawkeye when I woke up at the 4077th after my accident. Not only the way he looked but the way he was stroking my cheek gently and kissing my hand. I moved my free hand over my stomach and panic shot through me and I began crying. It hurt like hell but I couldn't stop.

"Calm down Margaret, its okay."

"Where…where is…what happened to my baby?" I choked out. Daniel gently pushed be back down and smoothed my bangs away from my forehead.

"Its okay Margaret, calm down."

"Where's my baby?" I screamed.

"They did an emergency cesarean. The baby was flown to a children's hospital in New York."

I began to calm down but didn't bother to stop the silent tears running down my cheeks. "Is it okay?"

Daniel sighed and wiped away my tears. "Margaret, he's three months early. We just don't know if he's going to make it."

I closed my eyes and cried inwardly for my baby. My precious baby boy; would I ever get to see him alive?

The next few weeks were pure torture; both physically and mentally. Every day I lived in dread of the moment that I would get a call telling me that my baby had died. I desperately wanted my husband, but try as we might, we could not get through to him. Every letter I had written over the past months had been returned. Hawkeye didn't even know where I was.

Finally after three weeks of intensive care and physical therapy they told me I could go home. When Daniel told me the news I started crying. Home; I was going home. As we were pulling out of the hospital parking lot a sudden thought occurred to me.

"Daniel, can we go to New York?"

"Are you crazy? You just got out of the hospital, why on earth do you think I would let you go to New York?" He asked incredulously.

I decided to turn on a faucet of tears. "Please Daniel; I want to see my baby."

"No Margaret, it's out of the question."

I was desperate; I needed to see my baby boy. "Daniel if…if he…if he dies and I never get to see him…" I couldn't continue. I had started with fake tears but now they were real and I couldn't stop them.

Daniel pulled off to the side of the highway and tried to calm me down. When I stopped crying he cursed and turned the car around. I smiled satisfactorily. We were headed for New York.

* * *

Daniel wheeled me into a colorful hospital lobby. The walls were painted a sunny yellow with cheerful murals around the doors.

"Where is the nursery?" He asked the receptionist.

"Fourth floor," she replied. "Make a right out of the elevator and another right at the end of the hall. You can't miss it."

Daniel thanked her and we silently made our way to the fourth floor. We found the nursery and Daniel walked over to a nurse and began conversing with her out of my ear shot. After a few moments he walked back over to me.

"She's going to see what she can do."

I felt like crying as we followed the nurse. I didn't know what I would do if I came this close only to be denied seeing my son. She brought us into a small room with a sink and rocking chair before walking into an adjoining room. We waited for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was less than five minutes. The nurse slipped back into the room.

"Come with me." She said quietly as she handed us two surgical masks. I quickly slipped on the mask as Daniel wheeled me into the next room. There were several empty plastic bassinets. At the end of the room there was a desk with a nurse watching us suspiciously.

"He's over here." The nurse said, my heart began to beat quickly. Now that I was here I wasn't sure if I really wanted to see him. If he died wouldn't it be better if I never saw him? It might make it easier. In any case it was too late to turn back.

The nurse brought us past several infants; some older than others. It was sad realizing that they were all here because they were sick somehow.

"Here he is." Her voice made me jump. I looked beside where she was standing and I began to cry. More than anything I wanted to hold him but I knew that was impossible. Tubes were running out of his throat and he was hooked up to three different machines. I clung to Daniel's arm and he stroked my hair and let me cry. My baby was so small, so fragile. His grip on life was so fragile; it was terrifying to think about how easily my baby boy could die.

"Are you ready to go?" Daniel asked me gently. I nodded weakly and with one final look at my son he wheeled me back downstairs and we headed home.

Two weeks later I got a call at work telling me that my baby was functioning on his own. He was considerably stronger and we could bring him home. I nearly dropped the phone when they told me this. I told them we would be there to pick him up as soon as possible and I hastily hobbled into Daniel's office. I was crying and rambling on about the phone call, Daniel couldn't understand a word of it. When I finally got the message across he grabbed his jacket and we headed outside. He shouted at Laura, his receptionist, to cancel all of his appointments and then we were on our way to New York.

I was crying for the entire drive. I had never felt so relieved in all my life. My baby was coming home! When we got to the hospital I dashed to the elevators, almost breaking my neck with my crutches. When we arrived at the nursery I breathlessly explained myself to the nurse. She smiled and pulled a file from the drawer and asked me to fill out several forms.

If it wasn't for Daniel I don't think I would have ever made it through all the paperwork. I almost started laughing hysterically when I arrived at the birth certificate. Daniel smiled and watched me as I began to fill out my name; Margaret Emily Pierce. Father's name; Benjamin Franklin Pierce. I paused at the baby's name. I had already picked out a name but I hadn't told Daniel. I began so write slowly and deliberately. Daniel Benjamin Pierce. Daniel smiled and squeezed my shoulder. I looked over at him holding back some tears. I put my hand on his and smiled. I handed the file back to the nurse and she walked around the corner.

As I waited for her to bring Danny I realized how tired I was. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for days. She came back in a few moments and I began to cry all over again as I held my son for the first time. His eyes were still shut and he was so tiny. As I held him in my arms I was overwhelmed with a wonder that is hard to explain. Life is so amazing. How had Hawkeye put it? Ah yes, miraculous. Miraculous is the only way to describe it.

I gasped as Danny opened his eyes. It made me start crying all over again. "Look," I breathed. "He has his eyes." Daniel smiled, knowing I was talking about Hawkeye.

On the way home I held my baby close. I didn't think I would ever be able to put him down. Throughout the next few weeks I became familiar with my baby. Everything he did I was sure was brilliant. As he grew older and stronger I was amazed at how quickly he learned. As the months went by Danny became my life. Never was anything more important to me than he was.


	18. Chapter 18

At the beginning of July Danny was seven months old and we were preparing for the town's Fourth of July celebrations. Apart from the town's normal celebration, which is mixed with the Lobster Festival, Daniel and I were having a party at beach-side property that he owned. I actually had no idea that he owned any other property. When I asked his about it he said that it was where he grew up. He and his wife had also raised Hawkeye there but when Elaine died he moved into his current house.

The first time I saw it, tears came to my eyes. Faded memories came flooding back into my mind. The dream I had when I was in Korea…after the accident. This was the house; this was the place where I was with Hawkeye. I knew then that everything was going to be fine. Everything was going to work out.

The party went wonderfully and Danny was the center of attention. Daniel had invited everyone who lived in Crabapple Cove. I'm not exaggerating, I mean everyone. After the Fourth we tried to get back into the normal routine of our lives. The talks of peace kept me sitting on the edge of my seat. Although I never could dare to hope that the war could be over soon. On the twenty-seventh when I heard that a peace treaty had been signed I wanted to jump around the house in joy. Hawkeye would be coming home! On the day when we received a government issued letter I ran all the way (five miles) into town carrying Danny, so that Daniel could open the letter. He ripped open the letter and sat down heavily as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Dr. Pierce," He read. "Your son will be arriving home on the first of August…" Daniel didn't finish reading the rest of the information. He looked up at me and began laughing. Then I thought about it, the first! Today was the first of August!

I gasped and ripped the letter out of his hands scanning it for where and when Hawkeye would be arriving. The airport…six o'clock. There, six o'clock. My eyes flew to the clock on the wall it was only slightly past noon. We could still make it to the airport on time. It was only a three hour drive from Crabapple Cove.

"I only have one more appointment today." Daniel said suddenly. "Go home and get ready and I'll pick you up at three." I wondered how he could be so calm. I studied him and realized that he was just as ecstatic as I was; he was just trying to hide it for my sake. On an impulse I threw myself at him, almost crushing Danny between us.

I jogged back home and hurriedly showered and dressed. I pulled on my favorite blue dress and styled my hair simply. As I was brushing my hair I wondered what Hawkeye would think of it. I had let it grow out to its natural color; a light brown. I had it short, a very trendy cut. I spent almost a half hour debating what to dress Danny in. I couldn't believe that Danny was about to meet his father.

At two o'clock I was ready but I knew I couldn't wait another hour. I could have driven Hawkeye's car into town but since the accident I couldn't bring myself to drive. I slipped off my shoes and walked on the side of the road in the grass. I arrived a quarter to three, just as Daniel was about to come pick me up. He smiled when he saw me and we climbed into the car and headed to the airport.

We arrived at the airport only a few moments before six and I anxiously awaited my husband in the small terminal. I tried to sit down but I quickly stood up and began walking back and forth as I rubbed Danny's back trying to comfort him.

"Margaret he's not crying." Daniel said teasingly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Danny; you're trying to sooth him when he's not crying."

"Oh." Truthfully I wanted to cry. I had never been so nervous in my life. Hawkeye and I had only been married for two short months before I left. We had only been together once. How could I be certain that he still felt the same about me?

As the plane landed I felt sick. I desperately needed to sit down but my anxious mind wouldn't let me. People began filing into the terminal and I thought I would faint. Daniel grabbed onto my arm to support me and I heard his strong voice call out.

"Ben! Ben, oh my god, Ben." Daniel let go of my arm and ran towards his son, embracing him warmly as he wept. I couldn't move. I hugged Danny close to my body and just stared at my husband. I was sweating and the ground was rocking under my feet.

"Hawkeye." Someone called; it was me. His head jerked up and his eyes swept around the terminal, glazing right over me. He frowned and said something to Daniel who stepped back and smiled. Daniel put a hand on his shoulder and pointed to where I was standing. Hawkeye's mouth dropped open and he ran over to me and nearly smothered me in his embrace.

"Oh my Margaret." I heard him mumble. "Oh baby, I missed you." I pulled back and saw that he was crying. I then started laughing hysterically. I couldn't help it. Hawkeye looked at me, concerned and guided me over to a chair. He sat me on his lap and rubbed my back until I stopped laughing.

"Hi baby."

A faded memory seeped into my mind. "That's Major to you." I said sternly.

"Right; hi Major Baby."

I snaked my arm around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder as I hung onto him for dear life. He gently wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly. Danny protested to this loudly and I laughed.

Hawkeye gently pushed me onto another chair and nodded somewhat nervously towards Danny. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

I wondered at his nervousness. Hawkeye never before seemed to have a problem around children; what was wrong? I began to panic inwardly; what if I was wrong? What if Hawkeye wasn't ready to be a father? I tried to push these worried thoughts out of my mind. At the moment Hawkeye didn't even realize who the child in my arms was.

"This is Danny." Hawkeye smiled and waited for me to continue. "Daniel Benjamin Pierce." I mumbled. I couldn't bring myself to look into my husband's eyes. I was afraid of what I might see there.

I heard him take a sharp intake of breath and then he reached over and tilted up my head. "Mine?" was all he could manage to say.

I nodded, anxiously awaiting his reaction.

Hawkeye's mouth dropped open and he tentatively reached for the baby. As held his son I noticed that his hands were shaking. I gently placed my hands on top of his and smiled hesitantly.

"Hawkeye?" I couldn't take it anymore. Was he happy? I just couldn't read his expression. Then the Hawkeye Pierce I knew came back into his body. He threw back his head and laughed. He held our son close as he stood up and held his free arm out to me. I stepped over to him and he wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to his father.

"Come on Major Baby. Let's go get some dinner."

* * *

Margaret closed her journal and sighed. As she though about her life she had so many regrets, so many thing that she wished had never happened. But now that they were all on paper and she looked through them she realized that every mistake had brought her to where she was today. She wouldn't trade those mistakes for anything in the world. She quietly slipped out of her room and turned of the light. Soon she was downstairs with her husband, dancing on the back porch. Their guests had all gone home and they were alone to enjoy the moonlight shinning over the sea. 

"What's wrong?" He asked her as she sighed.

"Nothing," Margaret replied as she looked up at him. "I suppose I'm just being a little melancholy."

"Well I suppose that's allowed." He said with a mischievous grin.

"What now?" She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Did you know that moonlight makes you look incredibly sexy?" She pushed him away from her and humorously hit his ribs.

"Idiot," she paused and began laughing as his stuck out his bottom lip and pouted playfully. "Oh but I love you anyway." She said as he pulled her close."

He gently rested his head on top of hers, inhaling the sweet sent of her hair. "I love you too Major Baby."

* * *

Yaaay I finally finished! This has been my "pet" story for quite some time now. It was actually the first real story I started. Okay...so I want lots of review for my final chapter! Thank to all for your faithful reviews! You guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, lol.

P.S. To anyone intrested in my alt. ending I will be posting it soon. So if you don't have me on your "author alert" list keep checking back!


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